Am I being totally stupid?

[Andrea Blue]

I have fallen helplessly in love with someone who is on the other side of the country.

I was instantly attracted to him when I first met him. He fit the bill for everything I am looking for in a man. After our last encounter, where the attraction was mutual, I learned that he had moved to another city.

I sent him an SMS to tell him that I hoped everything was well in his new home, and that this place would forever be a little less bright without him. He replied saying that it was great to have met me, and that he wished we could have met sooner. He then asked me to send him my email address so that we could keep in touch.

My attraction to him is quite rational. He is kind, intelligent, and we have a lot in common. It isn't a crazy, whirlwind kind of obsessive rapture. I just feel really comfortable and totally intrigued when I'm around him. This is the closest thing to perfect I have ever come across. This is why I am completely determined to give it everything I've got and commit myself to not letting go of him, no matter how foolish it may seem to give my heart to someone who is so far away.

Am I being totally stupid?

[Thoughts2Page]

I have fallen helplessly in love with someone who is on the other side of the country.....I am completely determined to give it everything I've got and commit myself to not letting go of him, no matter how foolish it may seem to give my heart to someone who is so far away...Am I being totally stupid?

Hi Andrea Did you meet this man, in person, in the area where you live and THEN he moved "to the other side of the country"? I just want to make sure I understand the situation correctly

It's not "totally stupid" to try to have a long-distance relationship - but I will warn you now, it's very hard. I met my husband (online) when he was serving in the military. We didn't even live in the same COUNTRY, never mind on opposite sides of one. We grew to become the best of friends through emails, instant messaging, phone calls, postal mail, even short visits. We shared a lot of common interests and we made each other laugh. When we started to develop deeper feelings, we tried to walk away... several times, actually... because we thought it would be impossible (and crazy!) to have a real relationship, living so far apart, especially with his military deployments and such. Each time we tried to "break up," we ended up finding our way back. When he finished his commitment to the military and was discharged, he came to visit me... and stayed. We'll be married three years this January.

I tell you this, not to glorify the situation or even to recommend that you dedicate yourself to this man you met, but only to tell you that, in some cases, it can work out. I admire your determination to "commit yourself to not letting go of him" but please try to keep everything in perspective, Andrea. Long-distance relationships can require a LOT more time, money and, most important, TRUST than face-to-face relationships. Some days, the loneliness is unbearable.

My recommendation is that you build a friendship with this man because you clearly "like" one another. Try to suppress your "hopelessly in love" emotions to create an HONEST starting point. Enjoy that friendship first, without desperation to create a romantic relationship, and see what develops. Some feelings are strong enough and REAL enough to survive lots of obstacles... but it takes time to find out.

I wish you luck and happiness

[Mystery]

Hi Andrea,

Just wanted to say, I'm a man, and my advise to you is: Meet other men ASAP, and if after some time, you realise that you still have feelings for him, then pursue him. He might be the right person for you.

The thing is, falling in love with another person isn't an easy thing. A lot of people get emotionally hurt from it, especially if there seems to be some barriers. It doesn't matter what people say about seduction games done by both sexes and how lame/bad, they think they are.....The thing is THEY DO WORK whether you like it or not. Just try not to relate it to being manipulative or bad. It is totally a natural thing.

SMS him from time to time, but don't overdo it. Measure the time it takes him to respond to your sms, and go accordingly....don't sms/phone/e-mail him on a higher rate than he does, and whatever happens, NEVER tell him that you LOVE him now, unless you were already in some deep rapport/comfort phase before he left. Especially if he is away and there is no way you can run kino (touching) on him (which you should be doing as it is a very strong tool). Keep in touch with him and SUGGEST a meeting.... arrange the convo to let HIM bring up the meeting part,,,you only drop some suggestions like some future fantasies you tell him, eg:"you know, if you were here, we'd be going to ..... and doing.... then I will tell you ..... and you'd be like....... " go into details all fun role playing... he will get the bait and ask to meet you again somewhere. Don't let alot of time pass without keeping in touch with each other. Eventually, you will HAVE to meet him in person again.

If however he is responding well, opening up to you and you sense he is attracted and comfortable being/talking with you, then you might want to be more direct and ask for a meeting, like:" hey , how about if we met in ..... and do...... I'm free ONLY next weekend...and you?" The thing is you tell him WHEN you are free and that is the only time he can meet you. Don't be rude though,,,always friendly and fun..... if you sense he is worried he might not be able to make it, then compensate by accepting the time he would suggest by saying: "ok, but only if you brought me chocolate/nice flowers/ very cute teddy bear...etc".... I can't tell you what to do after you meet him again more than: seduce the hell out of him, and make him think you were meant to be for each other, and that you are his soul mate. That is if you are looking for long time relationships/marriage.

If done right, he will be yours and will want to be by your side ....but the downside will be that you may no more be attracted to him, especially if he ate your BS and let you set up the meeting's date and time

[abbiedoobie]

You have to give it all you got before you give up on the relationship. If you feel that there is a strong connection then go with your heart. If you give up now you may always regret your decision. If you follow your heart and things don't work out well then atleast you tried. Good luck!